Myths and Facts of DV

MYTH

Domestic Violence is rare.

FACT

Domestic violence affects 1 out of 4 women at some point during her lifetime.  Men can also be victims of domestic violence, but women make up about 97% of domestic violence survivors.  Domestic violence happens equally in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.

MYTH

Domestic Violence is not a serious problem in the U.S. or in Georgia.

FACT

Battering is the single largest cause of injury to women in the United States – over mugging, automobile accidents and rape, combined. (NCADV 2003).  In 2009, Georgia was rated the 10th highest in the nation for the rate at which men kill women.  In 2010, Georgia mourned at least 130 domestic violence related deaths.

MYTH

Couples counseling is the solution for domestic violence.

FACT

Couples counseling is NOT recommended for couples trying to end the violence in their relationships due to the power and control underlying the violence.  GCADV recommends that abusers attend a state certified family violence intervention program and survivors seek assistance from a domestic violence advocate.

MYTH

Pregnancy is the safest time for victims of domestic violence.

 

FACT

Couples counseling is NOT recommended for couples trying to end the violence in their relationships due to the power and control underlying the violence.  GCADV recommends that abusers attend a state certified family violence intervention program and survivors seek assistance from a domestic violence advocate.

MYTH

Victims of abuse are crazy for choosing to stay in an abusive relationship.

FACT

Many survivors do not exhibit behaviors that, to those of us outside the intimate relationship, may seem unusual or even bizarre.  It is important to remember that, as an outsider to the abusive relationship, we are not living with the daily threat and fear of abuse or death.   What may appear to be bizarre behaviors are often survival strategies women use to keep themselves safe.

MYTH

Middle-class women do not experience abuse as frequently or as violently as poor women.

FACT

Domestic violence occurs in all socio-economic groups.  In fact, middle-class women often face barriers to get public assistance when they decide to leave because of their family’s above poverty line financial status.

MYTH

People who are religious do not abuse and are not victims of abuse.

FACT

Abusers can be religious people, including clergy and lay leaders.  Many victims have deep religious beliefs which may encourage them to keep the family together at all costs.

MYTH

Abusers are violent in all of their relationships.

FACT

Most abusers do not use violence in other non-intimate relationships to resolve conflict.  “Batterer’s typically present a different personality outside the home than they do inside, which complicates a woman’s ability to describe her experiences to people outside the relationship.” (K.J. Wilson, Ed.D., When Violence Begins at Home, 1997.)

MYTH

When abusers are violent, it is because they “lost their temper,” and not because they meant to hurt their partner.

FACT

Abusers use violence because it helps them gain and maintain power and control, not because they lose control of their emotions.

MYTH

Drinking and/or drug abuse cause intimate partner violence.

FACT

There seems to be a correlation between alcohol and abuse.  Although alcohol abuse may increase the likelihood of violent behavior, it does not cause or excuse it.

MYTH

Domestic violence only affects the adults in the household.

FACT

According to a recent American Bar Association report, experts estimate that between 3.3 and 10 million children witness domestic violence annually.  The report cites numerous links between serious emotional and psychological problems from exposure to domestic violence:

  • Depression, hopelessness, and other forms of emotional distress in teenagers are strongly associated with exposure to domestic violence.
  • Infants often fail to thrive.
  • Children may exhibit bed wetting, sleep disorders, violence towards other children, stuttering, and crying.
  • Children exposed to domestic violence have a tendency to identify with the aggressor and to lose respect for the victim; men who witness their fathers’ abuse their mothers are three times more likely to abuse their wives than men who have not witnessed abuse. A woman who witnesses her father abuse her mother has a much greater likelihood of becoming a battered woman herself. (“The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children,” American Bar Association 1995.)

MYTH

Victims of domestic violence grew up in abusive families.

FACT

Many individuals who find themselves in abusive relationships did not grow up in violent households.  Sometimes victims that experience non-physical abuse in their relationship, such as economic or emotional abuse, may not easily recognize that these forms of abuse can escalate into physical or sexual abuse.

MYTH

Victims have done something to cause the abuse.

FACT

Abusers choose their actions.  Abuse is NEVER the fault of the victim.

MYTH

Victims of abuse are uneducated.

FACT

Abuse can occur to anyone.  The education level of victims is not not a factor in abuse since abuse is the choice of the abuser.

 

MYTH

Abusers are unsuccessful and lack resources to cope with the world.

FACT

Abusers come from all walks of life.  The reason people abuse is related to their desire to gain and maintain power and control over their partner.  Sometimes abuse will escalate due to recent loss, such as the loss of a job or loved one, but signs of abuse are often present prior to a personal loss.

MYTH

Abusers will stop the violence when they get married.

FACT

An abuser’s suspicions and possessiveness increase after marriage.  His attacks also become more frequent and severe.

MYTH

The abuser is not a loving partner.

FACT

The abuser does not always abuser; many have periods when they can be very generous with their affection.  The victim has seen this and knows that their partner is capable of being loving to them.  If the they could only get the abuser to change and maintain this loving side on a constant basis, they may reason, their relationship would be better.  Unfortunately, this is a setup; the abuser will choose or choose not to abuse them, regardless of their actions.  Sometimes loving actions of an abuser are due to the desire to gain or maintain power and control.

MYTH

Once an abuser, always an abuser.

FACT

The key to changing an abusive relationship is the abuser’s willingness to accept responsibility for their actions.  If the abuser admits to the inappropriateness of their actions, wants to change, and seek individual or group counseling away from the victim, then they have a chance to recover.

MYTH

Domestic violence is usually a one-time event, an isolated incident.

FACT

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that happens over and over and escalates in severity/dangerousness over time.

MYTH

There is no correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence. 

FACT

Domestic violence as well as serial and mass criminal violence often involves animals. For families suffering with domestic violence or abuse, the use or threat of abuse against companion animals is often used for leverage by the controlling/violent member of the family to keep others in line or silent.  It is estimated that 88% of pets living in households with domestic abuse are either abused or killed.  Of all the women who enter shelters to escape abuse, 57% have had a pet killed by their abuser.  (“The Link between Animal Abuse and Domestic Violence,” American Animal Hospital Association, 2003)